I miss my old life.
I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss the hills where I grew up. I miss going to the markets and being overwhelmed by the choice.
I miss my friends so much it hurts.
But I don't want to go back.
When I went back to Hometown a couple of months ago it was like stepping into my past. It was like seeing what my life would be like if I never had moved away. And I thought, "I don't belong here any more." It wasn't Hometown anymore. It was Oldtown. Home is up here, where Partner is, where we are trying to make a new life for ourselves. Home is the beautiful house we have here with the beautiful view. I just wish all my friends could come up here to visit. Or live here.
It's so hard starting from scratch in a new town. It takes a long time. And as much as I ache for my old life, more than anything I wanted to build a new one. Just to see if I could. I wanted to leave Oldtown. I don't want to go back. I just want...to feel settled, to feel grounded. To feel like I belong, like I'm part of it. To not feel like I'm floating over the top.
It takes time.