28 September 2006


It's one of those parties where everyone's known each other for about fifteen years, but haven't seen each other for ten.

Except us. We're just tagging along with someone.

We're at a pub, watching a band. All the conversations around us are, "Do you remember that time when we..." and "So, seen old so-and-so lately? What's he up to nowadays?" There's not a lot we can contribute.

It's a reunion, so everyone's main goal is to catch up with old friends, not make new ones. We can only strike up conversations for a minute or so before people glaze over and they start glancing around for someone they know.

People gather in little groups. Smoking is only allowed outside, and the bar is inside. The groups break up regularly, and are re-formed into new groups. If a group breaks up, people look for another group they can edge towards and join in. It's not hard, for them; everyone's known each other for years.

Sometimes someone is left without a group. They stand around, looking intently at the sky or the ground, pretending they're just having a thoughtful moment. Then they nanchalantly move off as if they've finished thinking and might get a drink now.

We're left without a group a lot. They all know each other here. We came with someone, but he's just as intent on catching up with old friends as they are. We feel foolish trailing around after him from group to group, following like lost puppies.

I'm grateful for the band. While they're playing, I can focus on them like there's nothing else in the world I'd rather be doing.

22 September 2006

Crouton or not Crouton?

About five years ago I began a quest for the perfect Caesar salad. I vowed to try a Caesar in every place I could. I tried them all over Hometown, I tried them interstate. In the interest of full investigation, I even tried the one at McDonalds (not suprisingly, it was the most revolting Caesar I ever had). The best one I had was, unfortunately, about a thousand k's away from where I lived.

I became pretty picky about Caesars. Now, I'm not too much of a purist. I can cope if they use iceburg lettuce instead of cos. I've been known to add chicken or even prawns to my order. I'm happy if the anchovies are in the sauce, I'm happy if they're in strips (but the Parmesan must be real, shaved Parmesan). What I'm looking for is good quality ingredients, in good proportions, with a good flavour. And at least a vague resemblance to the original.

But a couple of years ago I noticed something, which became a disturbing trend quickly sweeping across my hometown and, as I discovered, across the country. Instead of croutons, people were now serving a slice or two of fried bread on the side of the plate. One place even actually just served toast on the side. Toast, I tell you! From the toaster!

What's the difference, you may ask? If it's fried bread, can't you just poke it with the fork a few times so it breaks up, and mix it in?

Not so well. You wind up with uneven chunks, and a hell of a lot of crumbs. It just doesn't taste the same as real croutons. Croutons, as far as I'm concerned, should be little cubes of fried (or baked) bread, slightly oily with the Caesar sauce oozing into them. A couple of slices of toast just don't cut it for me.

Nowadays, it seems impossible to get a Caesar with real croutons. This sliced bread thing seems the current hip way to serve a caesar all over the country.

So what are the Caesars like in your neck of the woods? Is this a worldwide trend?

And have any other foods changed their presentation, nay, their very structure, so radically and so ubiquitously?

19 September 2006


Stolen from CH, inspired by DZER (CH's list was a bit shorter, and had number 11):

1. What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?

I used to do casual, and generally I enjoyed it, but now I find it a bit cold and empty. Emotional attachment is important to me - commitment not so much.

2. Do you bite your toenails?

I did when I was a child!

3. Are you a jealous person?


4. Does it get annoying if somebody says they'll call you but doesn't?

Actually someone was meant to call me tonight and didn't...

5. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?


6. What would you rather be doing right now?

Hey, I'm doing this because I want to! Though I should be sleeping.

7. What song lyrics are stuck in your head at the moment, if any?

None, for a change.

8. What's your favorite TV show, now or in the past?

Monkey. You know, the one with Tripitaka and Pigsey and Sandy...and the really high-tech special effects.

9. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?

The opposite, generally.

10. Can others make you cry easily?

Yes, unfortunately. But I make myself cry more often.

11. Who was the last person to piss you off?

Probably Partner.

12. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?

Very. In the words of Dzer: I think the question should be, "Do you give a rat's ass about spelling and grammar and, if not, why the fuck not?"

13. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?

Fuck no.

14. If you could be any type of fruit, what would you be?

Right now I'm a mango - juicy and sticky.

15. Were you a "planned" child?

Absolutely. My dad said once that he knows when I was concieved because it was the only root he got all year.

16. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Four. But two are in retirement.

17. What was the last thing to scare you?

Cars always scare me.

18. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?

Just function, or function well? 4 if the former, 8 if the latter.

19. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?

Generally I hate alcohol, but I don't mind the occasional cowboy cocksucker...

20. When was the last time you saw a rainbow?

A few weeks ago.

21. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?

Yes, quite a few times actually.

22. What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?

I don't know. I've been with all sorts. I'd have to say... compatability. That's why I'm sticking with Partner; we fit together.

23. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?

If I liked them it wouldn't stop me.

24. Do you believe that a guy should pay on the first date?

No, I'd rather go halves.

25. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?

Yes, a piercing. Or rather a re-piercing.

26. Which do you make? Wishes or plans?

Both, but my plans are generally just wishful thinking.

27. Can you speak any languages other than English?

Man zabani Farsi ra khoob nemidanam.

28. What is your favorite salad dressing?

I love a good caesar, but I'll settle for a home-made vinaigrette.

29. Have you ever fooled around with someone and not remembered?

Not that I remember.

30. When was the last time someone hit on you?

A couple of months ago. I invited someone I'd met to stay over at our house (and was very clear that I was in a monogomous relationship and happy that way). The next day when Partner went out the damned fool hit on me. Shithead!

18 September 2006

Too busy to blog

The other day I saw a really fat man wearing a t-shirt which said:

I beat anorexia

7 September 2006

So true it's spooky

Your Pirate Name Is...

Bloody Lazy Gracey

How embarrassing.

The landlord sent someone around today to inspect for termites.

Lo and behold, the guy who showed up was someone I've known for a few months. We chatted as he went around the house tapping at the skirting boards and walls. No termites.

Much later in the day, I noticed my vibrator, standing proudly upright on our dressing table. It's the first time we'd ever left it out of the drawer.