Ever since I was a child, I wanted to leave my hometown.
As an adult, I watched a bunch of other people leave, while circumstances kept me there.
"It's great!" they'd gush, telling me about the fun they were having. "I'm so glad I left!" And finally, I left too.
It was hard. No one ever talks about how hard it is, how incredibly frustrating and lonely it is. Did they not feel that? Or do they do what I do, and just put the happy voice on when they talk to people from hometown?
I wonder sometimes why it's taking me so long to adjust. How long will it take?
I'd made a whole bunch of mistakes when I was young while living in hometown which kept haunting me (as things do in a small town). I'd wanted to leave, but always thought if I left I'd be trying to run away from my problems. I stayed until I'd sorted myself out and learned the skills needed to deal with them. Now we're alreading talking about moving again, but I haven't yet learned the skill of settling in. I want to learn how to adjust to a new place - how to find my way around, how to read the seasons, how to recognise the insects and the plants, how to make new friends. If I keep moving, I won't get the satisfaction of knowing that I learned that skill - I'll just feel like I'm running away from my inability to adjust to a new life. And then how can I have any confidence that I will adjust to the next place, If I never managed it here?
It's funny, because the more you settle into a place, the harder it is to leave. But I'd rather the regret of leaving something good behind than the regret of leaving an unsorted mess behind. I want to feel like I'm expanding, not slinking away.
Any advice from people who've moved about? Dzer? Maegen? Anyone?